Well, then

Since I assume no one reads this, I'll make it a sort of diary. If you find my blog, yay, you win a window into my mind.

So I have...people issues, which I'll explore later. This has resulted in me being an extremely lonely person. If I had moved onto campus three years ago, maybe I would be better off today, but I didn't. I chose to live at home. Overtly, this was for financial reasons: even living 20 minutes away from campus, driving cost about half of what living on campus would have. However, I bet there was probably some amount of "yay, I don't have to face people" there, even if it was subconscious.

Social issues are largely why I quit going to swing dance in the middle of last semester. I tell people "oh, I just didn't go the week of my midterms, and then never went back," but that's an excuse. Progressing beyond the basics in swing requires trust and intimate connections with people. It also requires small talk, because it feels really stupid dancing with someone and ignoring them while dancing. So, rather than face my fears, I stopped going to swing. I ran away.

What was the point there? Oh, right. I've been telling myself for the past semester and a half that I should apply for housing on campus. However, even though my main reason for moving onto campus (as opposed to into an apartment) would be to help me meet people and overcome my fears, the thought of living with other people also somewhat scares me. But I've finally jumped that hurdle; I applied for the ECS LLC last week and was accepted immediately. So I'll be moving out next semester.

I hope - and at the same time fear - that my life will be radically different. We'll see.